The last time we spoke, right before the battle, he made a suggestion I admit I considered absurd. “You should try keeping a journal,” he said.
“A journal?” I echoed. “Do you mean I should write a book?” I know, of course, that Moff Nur has been editing the manuscript of my master Darth Sidious the Emperor Palpatine, whose highly anticipated treatise on the subject of the subjugation of civilizations and the creation of powerful monsters promises to be a bestseller.
“No, no,” smiled Nur. “I mean like a diary.”
“Like a teenage girl?”
“Well, not entirely unlike a teenage girl, I suppose. The purpose is to help you analyze yourself by exporting your thoughts and impressions into a form you can review. Not only can it provide valuable insight as an artifact, but I find the actual process of recounting my reflections cathartic in itself. … I promise you, my friend, it helps.”
And so I have decided to make good on the Moff’s advice, now that he is dead and the confidence of the terrorists swells. I have begun this journal. I do not know how long the experiment will last, but I admit that in the absence of Nur himself I do find it calming to imagine I am speaking to his spirit as I dictate this recording.
Alright, now I feel really stupid.
Well, lots of folks, other than teenagers and Sith Lords, keep a diary. Some people call them “journals” so they don’t have to admit that they have a diary. (The Punisher called his the “War Journal,” which was awkward when you consider all those “Catcher in the Rye” quotes and Good Charlotte lyrics scribbled in the margins.) Your truly has a diary. It’s pretty badly named – “diary” shares linguistic roots with the word “daily,” and all you Friends of the Hive know that I’m not a daily sort of writer – but diary it is. I like to think of it as closer to to the Sith model than the Twihard, as befits a good minion.
You may suppose that a “journalist” would have a “journal” rather than a diary, but having been a journo major way back when, I know better. A lot of these cats are really of the fawning lap-sitting variety. Case in point:
Over the weekend, CNN anchor and reporter Tom Foreman wrote a piece for CNN’s website explaining the genesis of a tradition he has kept for the last four years. … Foreman has been writing President Obama a letter every single day of Obama’s first term. Some letters offered Obama advice, while others explained to Obama why Foreman rarely buys a lottery ticket.
You can call it fan mail, or hero worship, or love letters… whatever you like, but I’ma go ahead and call this a diary. Some people actually have names for their diaries, even if it’s just “Dear Diary.” (Mine just has dated entries. Sith do NOT name their diaries.) Mr. Foreman’s Diary is apparently named “Obama.” And like a diary, Obama is quite unlikely to ever reply.
* No, but seriously, read this whole thing, it’s really terrific stuff.