The article is worth your time, but this is more a quick note on Lokai and Bele, the two fellows pictured in Doctor J’s post. Together they pulled off one of the first signature gags in the history of the Department of Practical Jokes.
The United Federation of Planets is* useful, but also often annoying. They often think they’re actually in charge instead of the Masters. Being a forward-thinking despot, the Czar ordered our Department to prank ol’ Bossy Britches himself, James Tiberius Kirk. Lokai and Bele (not their real names, obviously) were duly dispatched.
* Or will be, or has about to, depending on your temporal reference point.
The Full-Contact Cosmetics Team were unsung heroes. They actually fooled Doctor McCoy, who is nobody’s fool, into thinking that was their natural pigmentation! But Lokai and Bele sold it so well, Bones could hardly be blamed. Hell, at the end we began to wonder ourselves. They were only supposed to fill all the Jeffries tubes with rice pudding, but instead they wove that outlandish tale of a millenial vendetta… I’ve got to hand it to them, it was brilliant. The UFP has that soft spot for making everyone play friendly. And whenever things got dicey, they hit Kirk right in the ego, and distracted him from actually asking five minutes’ worth of hard questions. I swear, he must have majored in journalism at Starfleet Academy.
So the whole Enterprise wound up diverted light-years off course, to their “home planet,” where we scooped them up and brought them back to the Supersonic Rocket Ship. They crack us up near tight deadlines by jogging down the corridors with those drippy stoner faces they used “remembering” the “civil war.”
Now, you may ask, gentle reader, what point there was in merely inconveniencing a Federation starship like that, just for a joke? Well wouldn’t you love to know…