Portents

Hello, Earth.

I am still living somewhere on your surface.

Later on this evening, I plan on writing things to the other people living here.

I hope that this does not surprise or alarm them.

Often, in the olden times (like 2004, that was like frickin’ months ago, criminy), the people of the Earth would see strange signs and portents, usually of the celestial variety – comets, TIE fighters, saber-toothed eagles – and flip their shit right out. And then try to kill whatever it was.

Now we call these people “superstitious” because we have technology and so we think we’re just the cat’s pajamas, but really, we’re just hatin’ on our olden-times brothers. Seriously: what’s the more sensible reaction to portents and omens and shit?

REACTION THE FIRST – HOLY CRAP strange thing BAD from NOT HERE cover us in fiery death KILL! IT!

(Invent word “portents” to cover general category of weird-ass crap from not here that might cover you in fiery death, so kill it just to be safe)

REACTION THE SECOND – hm, that’s weird, imma call someone to come kill that, but first lemme tweet this #portent

Yeeeaaahhhh. That’s how the olden times people survived and took the mud and rocks and random things lying around and built it into our awesome civilization, while us modern idiots have to be yelled at by Judge Judy to know not to give money to and/or shack up with meth heads twenty minutes after meeting them.

But, in case there are still some of those awesome sorts of olden-timers on the Internet, I don’t want to be mistaken for a portent. I’m pretty sure olden-timers can run faster than me. So, just a heads-up. NOT a portent, just a blogger. New content. No danger to the community.

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One thought on “Portents

  1. LeeAnn May 10, 2011 at 9:06 am

    I think you underestimate your own im-portents.

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