It’s official. The Rob Schremp Hockey experience has come to an end on Long Island, as the enigmatic forward was claimed off waivers by the Atlanta Thrashers.
We the members of Lighthouse Hockey prefer to remember the good times… the highlight-reel goal, the crazy-good hands, the ordinary-crazy brain… instead of the rest of the player attached to those hands. Below the jump, a tribute to the man that teased with his one elite skill, but never quite closed the deal.
You are on a rink. There is ice on the surface. You have four teammates and five opponents. The opponents have the puck. What do you do?
>Hang at blue line.
Your coach is yelling at you to get the $#^#! involved. What do you do?
>Hang at red line.
You are on the bench. Your opponents have scored. Your coach is yelling at you to get your head out of your @%$&^$. What do you do?
>Check out Ice Girls.
It is the second period. You are on the rink. You have four teammates and only four opponents. Your team has the puck. What do you do?
>Cheat for a breakaway.
Your team has gained the zone, but you were offside. Your coach is yelling at you to wake the ^^#%^* up. What do you do?
>What’s with the cussing? Wait, I play for the Capitals? SWEE —
No. This is Long Island. What do you do?
>Line up for the faceoff.
Your team has won the faceoff. You have the puck.
>Gain the zone.
The other team is playing back and you have space. What do you do?
You do not have a slapshot. What do you do?
>The hell I don’t! SLAPSHOT!
Really… you don’t. Please don’t make me share the results.
>Fine. Circle the zone.
How many times?
Make up your mind, kid.
The defense has knocked you on your keister and broken out two-on-one. Your coach is banging his head on the glass. What do you do?
> Look for a call.
The ref hasn’t noticed anything wrong.
>AW C’MON! Are you fist-fu—
Again – you’re not a Captial. You’re an Islander. The ref gives you ten minutes. You are in a penalty box. It’s loud. The fans are surly. Your coach is drinking from a small metal flask. What do you do?
>Wait for shootout.
It is the shootout. It is the first time you’ve been on the ice since the second period. What do you do?
>I do what I do, baby.
It takes six minutes, but you have scored. The Islanders win. Fans love you.
>Twitter about Rob Schremp Hockey, make “number one in the hood G” joke.
>Not for RSH, baby.
It is the next day. You have been placed on waivers.
>Awesome! Finally some quality ice time!
You have been claimed by the Atlanta Thrashers.
>Are you fist fu——
Good luck, Rob Schremp Hockey. If it’s any consolation, you’ve been a beast in my Eastside Hockey Manager leagues.