Bringing life to the expression, “He’s so mean he’d even kick a puppy.”

Oregon Live had a light, heartwarming story out of Germany – one, actually, that made me think of Rachel Lucas and her dear (and now famous!) Sunny – a Rhodesian Ridgeback littered 17 puppies in one go.  (Link via SondraK.)

Owner Ramona Wegemann said Monday she barely slept for more than a couple of minutes without interruption during about four weeks in an “exhausting” struggle to make sure all of the Rhodesian ridgeback puppies would survive.

She said when she was “finished feeding the last puppy, the first was hungry again.”

Look at these darlings!  (warning – extreme cuteness)

Who couldn’t love these critters?  Well, it’s funny you should ask.  The very first commenter was a joyless way-left humbug volunteering to play Cruella De Vil.  (Nitwittery below the fold.)

So the world is rejoicing that there are 17 more Hummers on the road?

Yeah, this is how it starts.  Seventeen Hummers.  I would immediately think, “Hey!  Who knew dogs were so musical?”  But then again, I don’t suffer from Mr. “Goodmanpete’s” complete lack of imagination.

It’s 17 Hummers because the Carbon Paw Print of each Rhodesian Ridgeback is equal to that of a Hummer.

Congratulations.  You have now read the phrase “Carbon Paw Print,” capitalized, and used completely without irony.

And Rhodesian Ridgebacks eat Pit Bulls as a snack.

This is true, by the way – and a good thing, too, for one particular lady.  God bless your faithful heart, Sunny.

Because, you see, Rhodesian Ridgebacks originate from Zimbabwe where they are bred to hunt and take down lions that feed on villagers.

Yeah, and we can’t have that, can we?  Dogs protecting their human owners – I mean, that’s just more humans filthying up Goodmanpete’s pretty little planet, ya know – consuming precious resources instead of leaving them for those lucky enough to live lion-free lives in Oregon.

So to celebrate the arrival of such a large litter … and you have to love the word “litter” when it’s applied to dogs and cats because it’s an accurate description … one must hate Mother Nature, one’s fellow human beings … or both.

Now, in practice it’s quite the reverse.  Those who show the least regard for human beings and their happiness, psychopaths, often get their start by tormenting animals.  And in general, those who are not themselves pet lovers but have some shred of natural human feeling usually don’t mind that other people have pets of their own.  The person who least likes my own Official Dog doesn’t refuse to come over, and that’s even though our sweet shmooper actually does give him cause not to like her – she barks at him nonstop whenever he’s around.  She has never done that to any other creature she has ever met.  And still, he doesn’t insist that I rid myself of her – only that she take her conniptions into another room.

Those who are completely sanctimonious pricks and humbugs, however, have no qualms at all about dictating terms to others – often claiming a love of humanity while knowing nothing about how real individual people think, behave, believe, or love.  I call complete nonsense on this stooge.

Notice who the victims are in the links below?

Mostly Children.

All these paragraph breaks, by the way, are in the original.  Putting two sentences on one line?  Declasse!  Sentence Density is, like, SOOOO important to the Earth, man!  It’s much more writing-friendly to let every pretentious statement stand alone in its withering, self-righteous dignity.  (It’s hurts actual readers, of course, but hey – if you won’t let reality influence the actual topic at hand, why let it influence the way you write about it?)

More than 4,000,000 people in America … more than the population of the entire state of Oregon … and mostly children under 5 … are mauled so severely every year by “furry family members” that they require being rushed to the ER.

Again – complete bunkum.  Our intrepid anti-dog crusader has misread the CDC’s website (scroll down to Gilchrist, Sacks, White, and Kresnow); a random survey estimated 4,500,000 dog bites, but only 885,000 resulted in medical visits.  And “mostly children under 5” is, shall we say, misleading…   Only half of the bites requiring medical attention happened to children (all age groups), and the largest subgroup was children from 5-9, not below 5.

Or require being taken to a morgue for an autopsy.

Feel my righteous indignation!  Behold the dramatic stark statement standing alone, a silent rebuke to animal lovers!  Mind you, this is not to mock those who actually have been bitten and killed by dogs – my target is the complete humorless smug superiority on display from our commenter.

Here’s the deal.  There are over 77 million dogs in the US, distributed among 39% of the households in America.  Some of those people are going to have absolutely NO IDEA how to handle, raise, train, or otherwise properly manage their pets.  That’s not the dog’s fault.  But of course, people never think of blaming the people involved.  They want to ban cars because people are careless with them, or ban guns because criminals like to hurt people with them, or ban certain food or drink because people eat and drink too much of it.  And they want those bans to apply indiscriminately, to everyone – after all, it doesn’t matter if some people make a living hauling freight, or save lives with their guns, or enjoy a party responsibly.  The banners don’t do any such things themselves, so they can’t possibly fathom others doing so.  There must be something WRONG with them, and they must be STOPPED.

Now, you may think that, given the constant exposure to dogs and the numbers of said dogs, that the relatively-small number of serious bites (meaning the 880K that required medical help) would be a relief… as well as the extraordinarily low death count of 16.  People kill each other in far greater quantities every day of the year.  Sports, for example:  according to the info in that link, about 30 million kids participate in sports and leisure activities, with 3.5 million injuries, 775,000 of which require medical attention.  (And the highest rate?  Ages 5-9, same as the dog bites.  It’s almost like it’s the age group, rather than the dogs, that are a major factor!)  I couldn’t find fatality rates, except that they are “rare.”

There followed seven links to stories about animals biting humans.  I will spare you these.  But the most fun to be had (if you can stomach it) is to click on Goodmanpete’s profile and read ALL his activity at Oregon Live.  If you think I’m being a little overboard on the “thought” process on display, you will love some of his other quotes.  The best of them is here:

Reality: A happy dog is free. It’s one running with the pack … hunting and ripping raw flesh off the bones of a fresh kill. Stuck in an apartment or condo unable to run, urinate, and defecate at will is nothing more than a heated and air-conditioned prison for an animal.  nd cats would rather be stalking and killing wild birds. Pet cats kill close to 1,000,000,000 birds per year in America.

See?  He’s not just a lover of humanity – he’s also a lover of the animal kingdom!  By all means, expose these animals to nasty, poor, brutish, and short lives in the wild, where their quality and duration of life is extraordinarily curtailed.  But wait, there’s more!  You also get such bon mots as…

  • Yes, it’s their right to spend $5,000+ on an animal … but anyone with a conscience or shred of humanity would have spent that money on feeding the poor or housing the homeless and let that dog die.
  • Let’s look at the self-indulgent entitlement mentality of dog owners and the many ways they break the Social Contract.
  • …so the ones to blame for $4+ at the gas station are millions of self-indulgent, dog or cat owners who wastefully demand from the limited supply of petroleum and who suck up that petroleum in order to raise the food to feed their self-indulgent luxury item all the while trying to validate their out-of-control consumption by saying that something that drinks from the toilet, eats feces, and licks other animals’ behinds is genetically capable of human “unconditional love”.
  • There’s good news in the midst of all this gluttony though. The awareness that dog and cat ownership is a combination of Cigarette Smoking and SUV driving is growing.  [eeeek!  Not cigarettes and SUV’s!]
  • Sadly, kids under five years old will be the ones choking on our methane … fighting the Water Wars … and dealing with declining standards of living for lack of the non-renewable resources that our wealthy society is sucking up in the name of cute “unconditional love giving” little doggies and kitties.
  • It is a Moral Imperative to NOT own a pet.   Pet Owners are the Cigarette Smokers of the 21st Century [his emphasis]
  • Put another way, in proportion to your relative size, every single pet owner is a bigger environmental disaster than the BP Spill, or the EXXON Valdez.
  • For those of you who will be alive in 2050 who want to save life on earth as we know it you can help by taking the money you would have spent on your dog or cat and using that money to help to ethically reduce human population down to the sustainable 3,000,000,000 person level.
  • If you’ll be alive in 2050 here’s your reality.  With close to 50 years of data to look back at in order to track global climate changes, scientists no longer have to predict the future. They can say that 50 years ago “x” was this … and now it’s that … and this is the amount of change over time … and that if things continue at this rate, then “x” will be this in 2050.

And yes, that last one came from an anti-pet rant.  I’m not sure I can actually make it through all 182 missives from this golden keyboard, but so far, I’ve only found 4 non-pet rants.  (Those rants are about stuff like the rich not paying their fair share of taxes – which is accidentally correct, they actually pay far more than their share.)  All this banging away on the keyboard must be using some hefty non-renewable resources of its own, right?


2 thoughts on “Bringing life to the expression, “He’s so mean he’d even kick a puppy.”

  1. Jim - PRS December 23, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    “Carbon Paw Print” … Having read that, the rest didn’t surprise me.

  2. Kate P December 24, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    That has to be one of the weirder things I’ve read in a while.

    Merry Christmas to you & Ladybug, ‘Fly!

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