My dream love

I ditched aol mail for gmail to rid myself of endless zombie hordes of spam.  One of them, however, snuck past the perimeter.

Nice To Meet You,

Uh-oh.  Will it, in fact, be nice to be met?

How are you today ?,My name is kulin 

Why, no.  No, it will not.

5.7 Hight,fair in completion

Say, wasn’t this from one of Shakespeare’s Sonnets?

Five point seven hight, fair in completion
Fairer still when fair eyes doth behold
And spoken fair in lover’s tales retold
In kindness, in beloved’s contemplation

i saw your profile today on [redacted, I’m not THAT stupid] and after going true it i was moved with the quality i found in your profile,which makes me to became interested in knowing you the more.

Well, even the Bard couldn’t compete with that, could he?

I love how this mystery person “saw my profile today” on a site I’ve never heard of, nor visited, in a foreign domain… and then expects that I’ll click the link to find out exactly what’s up, thus exposing my computer and data to whatever trojan horse, keystroke logger, or nasty virus and spyware is waiting for me.  Yah right.  I don’t like ’em dumb, kulin, and I doubt you’d respect me in the morning, either.

but i will like you to no that distance ,age or color dose not matter but what maters is love and understanding and being honest to each other.

So, honestly, my never-met-me-before dearest friend who ever emailed me from out of nowhere – why are you doing this again?

i will like you contact me true my direct mailing address so that i will give you my picture and tell you more about me [email also redacted, I know enough, thanks]

I already have your picture.  It came in the frame when I bought it.  Oh – that’s really what you look like?  Sure, and I suppose that’s not really your husband and kid in the frame, too.

By the way – all the grammar is as originally sent.  I had though of at least correcting the punctuation and spacing, but chose to let it stand in the end.  It’s really an essential part of the whole experience.

i have SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT to tell you.Good to hear from you, [dimwit spammer email address]

You’ve already told me everything I need to know.  But if you had more – and it was that all-fired important – why isn’t it in this email?

Yours dream love.

kulin

If I had a dream like this, I’d bolt upright in my bed like a movie cliché.  But I’m a giver at heart, so – kulin, dreamy, if you’re reading this, this link is my reply to you.

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